Well, tomorrow the adventure begins.

Kind of.

This past week has been pretty top. There was my send off from all the guys at the Scottish Muay Thai Council on Tuesday night and my leaving night for work on Thursday - which consisted mainly of us overrunning our 1 and a half hour table reservation at Khushis by nearly 2 hours. This was followed by people trying to make my day on Friday as unbearable as possible.

Success.

Yesterday I sat at my desk and felt like a great big vat of sh*t flavoured lard.

Just a normal Friday then.

So today I`ve been packing my bags and printing off all the documents I need for my US visa interview on Tuesday.

That should be fun. I`m sure they`ll have a great sense of humour.

I bet it`ll be more like a chat really rather than an interview. Yearh, just like a couple of guys down the pub and we can talk about things like how Crunchy Nut Cornflakes are just Frosties for wan*ers.

It`ll be amazing.

Fact.

Apart from that I`ll just be spending this week in Harlow, Essex, but coming back to Edinburgh for the long weekend.

Then on to California.

Or back to my old job if the visa interview does not go according to plan.

I think I`m gonna have an aneurysm.

Went to go and collect my passport on Saturday morning at the passport office in Glasgow.

And they`ve lost it.

Yes indeed - my passport was printed in the passport office - marked for collection at the passport office and somehow has been lost in the passport office.

I am going to kill someone.

I was not very polite to anyone yesterday.

I paid an extra 17 pounds to have my passport printed in four hours. I did that last Tuesday, then I had to head back to work and asked them to keep the passport there - just so that it did not get sent to me in the post.

I even requested that they put a note on my application saying that I would be collecting it on Saturday.

I need the passport by Friday.

Not looking good.

I cant wait to see what`ll happen next.

Perhaps I`ll buy a bunch of bananas and when I peel them they`ll be empty?

I thought it would be well hard to get a copy of my birth certificate.

I mean, if you have a birth certificate you can get anything, even a passport.

So I was amazed when I went to The General Register Office, filled out a form and the certificate arrived the very next day.

I could have been anyone. Absolutely unbelievable. All I had to do was know my mothers maiden name and that was it. Done 26 quid please thank you very much.

So now I can go to Glasgow passport office tomorrow and go apply for a new passport, which because it was lost in the post I can get in just one week.

Cool!

Tell you what though, never ever send out your passport in the post. Not even recorded delivery. Mine has just totally vanished. I reckon I could find it on eBay if I even half tried.

Just back from a night away at a murder mystery evening at the Winnock hotel in Drymen.

It actually was my main birthday present from my last birthday, because they have been fully booked up until now.

The room we stayed in over night was excellent with a four poster bed, sky TV and lots of space.

The evening included a 3 course meal which was excellent and our breakfast in the morning when I had smoked salmon and scrambled eggs.

Now on to the murder. It all kicked off in the restaurant after we had our puddings. Some guy came bursting into the room screaming and covered in blood with a knife sticking out his chest. Then the other cast members who were pretending to be diners with us in the hotel started screaming and running around the room in a panic.

Good start.

After a while, the police turned up and we all started to question the three suspects who were all played convincingly by the actors and the plot began to unfold.

I did suggest to the head police guy that I would find the killer without too much fuss. Just let me alone in the room with all the suspects and I`ll extract a confession within a minute.

He didn’t appreciate that much.

The evening was good, but slightly spoiled by a group of old hags who were loud and obnoxious throughout the “questionsing” part of the evening and made it difficult to listen to the “evidence". They had been drinking all day and really did spoil it for the other 20 or so guests.

But I would still recommend going on one of the murder mystery weekends. Excellent value for money and very well put together by the Fifth Horseman Productions.

The fine entertainment was capped off when team Grinch and Fi were declared the winners for correctly detecting the murderer, their motive and the evidence. A bottle of champagne was the prize and that will be going down very nicely this evening thank you very much.

The hotel itself was cool. Although I did freak out every time I opened our room door because I was greeted with this boy:

If you have time you can go and look at the local attractions and have a beer in the local pub, which is called …… “Pub”

Awesome.

Just when everything seemed to be on rails for my new job in California something happens that has thrown everything into chaos.

My passport has been lost in the post.

It was sent away to my new company for my security clearance.

No problem, I can get a new one in just a couple of days. All I need to do is turn up at the passport office and hand them a copy of my birth certificate.

My birth certificate is in the same envelope as my passport.

Lost.

You can get a new birth certificate in 3 weeks.

I leave in 2 and a half weeks.

You see the problem?

Time to call in a few favours.

Or time to panic.

Four weeks today and I`ll be off to my new job in California .

I started having second thoughts today about moving, but then someone at work sent around an email saying that its only 129 days until the start of the Edinburgh Festival, and that was it, second thoughts gone in a flash. In fact, I started to wonder whether California was far enough away to escape the annual festival madness and all the idiots it brings to the city each year.

Anyway, Fiona has started looking for jobs in California so she can come out with me. She has signed up for the US equivalent of monster.co.uk and already its started suggesting appropriate jobs for someone with 2 masters degrees in literature.

The most appropriate job for Fi is, apparently, a bounty hunter.

Brilliant - actually I`m thinking of aplying for that one myself. I think I`d be an amazing bounty hunter, with my ability to just blend in anywhere - no matter my surroundings.

Second on the list of jobs for Fi was a cast member for disneyland. Great - dress up as Mini mouse and off to work you go (hi ho).

I think I`d make an awesome cast member at Disney - maybe as Scrooge McDuck or the Grinch. I`d be an evil bas*ard, beating up the kids, drinking all the time and swearing at everyone.

Think I might apply for that one too.