Tomorrow morning, or earlier this morning when you will be reading this, I resigned from my job.

The annual madness for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival will soon begin again and I just cannot cope with another year of it.

I`ve been offered a job at a company where I will work from their offices in Southern California and Paris.

I start on 30th April.

Its not a financial move - although that part of it by the way is amazing - but rather its a great opportunity to work for a very large company and do some really interesting work. So interesting in fact that you may well see me in the news having caused a major international incident.

Part of the deal is that I get flights back every 3 months which ties in nicely with my aim of increasing my carbon footprint and thus ultimately destroying Carbon Footprint Sandy

I`m going to be in Fullerton which is about 20 miles south of LA and 13 miles North of Disneyland.

Apart from the great work opportunity, I`ll be able to see some the of things I`ve always wanted to:

yellowstone national park

white sands national monument

The Arizona crater

I`ve got my apartment sorted and everything.

Oh bu**er, I hope I know what I`m doing.

I was going to do an entry about the film I watched the other night, Tenacious D - the pick of destiny. Being a big Tenacious D fan I`ve been looking forward to the film for some time. What a waste that time was. I can hardly believe how bad it was. Its so bad that I can’t type another word about it. I`d rather stick cold pins in my eyes.

Anyway, today I was doing my usual shop in waitrose - oh yeah baby - tell your friends - and I get to the checkout with this boy ready to serve me who must not have been more than 14 years old. He certainly wasn’t 18 because when it came to putting my bottle of wine that fancy scanner thing of theirs he had to go get his supervisor to press the buttons.

Jokingly I asked “aren’t you gonna ask me for ID?”

and they DID!!!!

Brilliant - must be my boyish good looks, I`ll just show them m…

Bo**ox!

“Ah sorry mate, don’t have anything on me. It alright though eh?”

But no it wasn’t

Now I`m furious see - unable to get my bottle of blue nun — and its my own fault.

I start ranting at the spotty oik

“Listen sonny, do you think they give THESE to underage scum like you?” - while flashing my credit cards at him.

Turns out they do give the same cards to underage plebs like him.

Bu*ger bug*er bug*er bug*er bug*er bug*er bug*er bug*er

I should just learn to keep my big mouth shut.

You`ll all be glad to know that I`ve a replacement camera for the one that is buried in the Andorran snow which means posts should return to their awesome best sometime soon.

Before that happens though you`ll have to do with this filler about some geezer with far too much time on his hands who has built a combination of a Tardis (that does not travel through space and time) and an arcade machine.

He’s even told us how to build our own

Of course, if you dont fancy making the police box bit yourself you can always get one from the awesome http://www.thisplanetearth.co.uk/.

OK - I`m off because Fiona has just come into the room to tell me that someone in her office is selling a whole dead cow for £70. I`m obviously far far far too drunk to be doing this…….

So I`m now nearly recovered from my ski holiday in Andorra. Although I screamed like a girl going down the run runs, and constantly moaned about “wanting to go to the beach", I had a top time.

Coming back to Edinburgh though you appreciate more the things that you were able to enjoy on holiday.

Good food for example.

And in the case of the La Raelette restaurant in Andorra, the food was simply amazing.

Put it this way, the Magic hotel we stayed at was half board - so we got all our dinners for free, and the food was good, but we chose to go to La Raelette twice in the week we were there.

Its easy to see why:

Firstly, you are greeted by their crazy Portuguese waiter - Joseph. He sits you down and before anything else happens puts down a plate of cooked and spicy sausages and some garlic breads right in front of you.

After you get all that down you he comes over and takes your order, and leaves behind another complementary plate of meat - oh and what a plate it is:

That was the meat after 6 of us had attacked it for 15 minutes.

Then you get your starter - I chose the French onion soup.

The problem at this point was that we were all stuffed. Which was a problem because that was when our mains turned up:

The Paella Royal

Cheese fondue

Meat fondue

We just could not go for the desert - because I was about to die - death by meat.

But even then we were not allowed to leave. Out come the bottles of spitits

Above we have a bottle of peach Schnapps, a bottle of …….. something pink - specially made we were told , and a bottle of fire water. We were told to finish the bottles.

We nearly did.

Even then we were not allowed to leave because he brought out a complementary bottle of Cava.

Which helped us digest the food nicely - and also made getting up the next day for my ski lessons an awful lot harder.

So what do you reckon this all came to? What would you pay for this kind of thing in the UK?

Well, all the above came to about £18 each.

Last night I paid £16 for 2 fish suppers.

Unbelievable. If ever in Pas de la Casa Andorra, stop by and get some great food.

So I got back from my ski holiday in Andorra on Sunday night.

I`m going to skip all the usual jokes about me looking like the invisible man coming down the slopes and just show you this picture of how awesome …… and cold….. the place was:

I have to admit that getting caught in the blizzards at the top of a mountain being unable to see …. let alone ski ….. was not exactly the highlight of the week.

Pictures are a little on the rare side because I lost my camera when going down my first blue run on the Tuesday. Out of control, going way too fast and heading for the edge of a cliff I reasoned that the best course of action to take, keeping in mind that at this point I had not been told how to

1 - stop
and
2 - turn.

Was to bury my head and about 50% of my upper body into the snow.

Sadly though the camera I was using did not make it back down with me. It found a whole new route for itself.

Anyhow, we all had a great time and by the end I could turn …. and stop (without using my head) and managed to ski down a red run, and even part of a black ….. accidentally.

I even broke the bindings on my last red run which shows that the skis gave in before I did.

Sadly they broke only half way down the run, so I had to walk the rest.

My colleague Henry is something of a legend in the property market.

He and his finace Phil have been looking to buy a house for something close to 2 years which has provided an almost constant source of entertainment in our office and the offices of most of the estate agents in central Scotland.

Although now the fun may be over.

Last night I got a call from Henry asking if was going out for a beer to celebrate ………. the house he has just agreed to buy.

Hurrah!

Lets just hope that this time none of the problems he has encountered with previous flats show their ugly heads. You know simple things like:

1 - not having a roof
2 – not having a bathroom
3 – not having a kitchen
4 - having a tree growing up beneath the flat (it was a good one that!)
5 - the owners dont actually want to sell.
etc etc etc

Anyway, Henry is not particularly known for his drinking skills, so if he does not show up at work on Monday someone call the police.

Anyway, thats me away to Andorra just now for a weeks ski holiday. I expect to come back with a broken everything.

We`ll see.

January and February and not good months for real gym members. The gym if full of the January sales weeds who generally just get in the way and annoy me when I`m there rippin’ it up! So today I started to do a bit of gym weeding, removing the weak and worthless from the gym one by one.

I was stood there after work today, in the heavy weights section showing everyone how its done and this girl walks up to me. She looked 7 - 8 stone tops and says “could you read the scales for me? I`m not wearing my glasses”

Excellent!

So she tip toes onto the set of scales and low and behold the needle swings slowly round to just under 8 stone.

“I cant tell love”

Puzzled look from girl.

“These scales only go up as far as 23 stone and you are WAY OFF THE SCALE!!!! You might as well just go home.”

She ran off then and I know it will be a long time before she comes back.

One down ….. several to go.